Other Classes Of Note - Through The Medium Of Dance...

On Wednesday there was a performance at school. It was in honour of May 1st, but maybe also May 4th. I'm not sure. It wasn't really very clear. All I knew was that my afternoon classes had been cancelled as my kids would be watching, so I sat myself down at the back of the hall with my Junior 1s to watch the show. Plenty of my other students were performing, so I wanted to watch for a little bit before going off to make some productive use of my free afternoon.

That wasn't really to be. I was spotted and dragged up to the front to become a judge. It meant I missed the second round of the inter-departmental tug-of-war competition (I helped us win the first round...grrr...although it was probably the PE teachers we'd joined forces with who helped more...) but it was fine. I had a good time. The show was excellent. It featured Some Junior 1s, Junior 2s, Senior 1s and Senior 2s. Most importantly it featured the girls below. These are all from Class 170, my best Junior 2 class, and always a good lesson. Four of them eat with us every day so I was extremely pleased when they got one of the first prizes. They'd worked so hard on it.

The above girls are from Class 171, another Junior 2 class which is always a bit hit or miss. The kids are excitable and always want to talk to me for about half an hour after class is over, but sometimes they are just too excitable and things get out of hand. I lost my rag with them once, which was interesting, but I still like them very much - just not always when I teach them... They danced well too. Dunno if they got a prize though. As soon as the last performance was over, the hall emptied and the presentations were watched by maybe five or six lonely people, if that. I think most of the performers had also left by that point so it was a bit of a confused affair.
The dancers above are from my last Junior 2 class, Class 172. I hate this class. Definitely my worst. Some classes are just full of nice people. Even the poorer students are carried aloft by the overall sense of positivity and enthusiasm and are assimilated for the better. 118, 122 and 170 are examples of this. Of course, the opposite can sometimes be the case and even the best can be dragged down by the chaos, apathy and bad attitude. Class 172 is the best example I have. Tuesdays are a nightmare for me. I hate Tuesdays. I start off with Class 172, where I count the class a success if maybe 10 people do what I ask of them. I sometimes wake up all the sleepers when I'm feeling extra optimistic, but generally regret it as they just grimace at me and mutter 'se-moh? se-moh?' ('what? what?') (in dialect before anyone comments..) before settling back and sulking for the rest of the class, or at best doing some other subject's homework. Don't get me started on the bad boys. They just don't get it. It's frustrating how I get fantastic results with some classes but nothing from others.

They are followed after lunch by Senior 2 Class 123, which has a few nice kids in it but they cannot speak English - at least not in sentences - and dragging anything out of them is a real effort. An hour's break later and I have Class 171, which can go either way depending on which way the wind blows, it seems. If they haven't played ball then woe betide anyone who wants to speak to me on a Tuesday. Ironically this is the same day we hold a lunchtime English speaking corner. Understandably they don't always get the best conversation out of me. One time it was so bad I stood there the whole time listening to my Ipod! I can't help it. Tuesdays are tough. Once it's over though, the rest of the week is plain sailing and it's all good.

Anyway, getting back to the show, the two girls at the front are among the 5 or so people I actually like in that class. The one on the left doesn't speak but gives me pictures of her and her big hair, while the one on the right is my saviour. She always does what I ask. She's sometimes the only one who can give me an answer, and I love her for that. The dance thing they did was great, really, so I gave them full marks. I gave all 3 of these Junior 2 dancing groups top marks. Well, what's the point in having that kind of power and influence if you can't display favouritism and look after your own? When in China...
The comperes for the afternoon were the dancing girls from Class 125. This is another of my Senior 2 classes, and one I was glad to keep. I used to consider these my worst class for English, but one of my nicest to teach. Now, having more time to concentrate on just 4 of the 8 Senior 2 classes, I've revised my opinions. Excepting Class 122, the others are just as shit. Class 125 are still nicer by far though! They're an arts class and most of the school's dance troupe (never used that word in sensible correspondence before) are in this class too. It's a small class, just 40-odd, so doing stuff is pretty easy. Participation is near 100%, at least passively. I can joke with them freely and we just get on really well. I broke one of their windows last week but I don't think they minded... I never care about students' standard of English. I really couldn't give a toss as long as they try! These kids generally speak more Chinese than English in class, but that's ok. It's constructive Chinese and usually answers my questions. They're still doing what I ask of them, just not necessarily always in the right language. It's a step in the right direction though and that's good enough for me. Plus, I know they have their own, more impressive talents. They dance superbly, sing amazingly and can draw like no other. It reassures me. I excuse students' lack of ability or motivation by constantly reminding myself that not everyone is, will or can be good at English and that there is something else that they do excel at; that they can devote themselves to and achieve their potential through.

Class 125 prove this for me. They proved it again on Wednesday. They danced at interludes, sang and put on a fashion show (this was strangely popular - 4 groups did fashion shows. Guess it's easier than learning a dance routine..). Each piece brought a smile to my face. Great kids.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, I am now old. Yes, on April 23rd I celebrated my 25th birthday. My first one abroad. It snook up on me to be honest. When a fellow teacher mentioned it to my students a few days beforehand, I was almost as surprised as they were to hear it! Bit strange. It ended up being a great day though. It was the Monday immediately following my weekend of picnics and was yet another busy busy one. In my morning class, my Junior 2s sang 'Happy Birthday' to me and had written a big sign on the blackboard. I liked it so much that I couldn't rub it off, so made them all turn round to work off the scratty blackboard at the back of the room! Straight after class it was off to the teachers canteen for a little lunchtime party. I was bombarded with presents and got some really cool stuff from my students.
Then it was cake time. The photo above is immediately before it all began, when Anthony shoved his piece of cake right into my face. Then all hell broke loose. There was cake and coloured foam flying everywhere.

This is 'after'. Shortly after we had finally used up all traces of leftover cake, who should turn up but some kids from class 122, carrying a big cake... So we had a second cake, along with a bunch on Junior 1s who'd been attracted by the screams and chaos. I held off throwing any of it about for as long as I could, which I could tell was a little disappointing for my students, holding as they were two bags full of icing. So as soon as we got outside, I grabbed a bag and squeezed it all over their heads. We all ran about on the drive for about 20 minutes caking anyone foolish enough to try and pass. It was good fun.
Of course my birthday had not gone unnoticed by the schools leaders. That evening we were taken out by all the important men to a nice restaurant to celebrate. The top photo shows little Tang, Vice Principal Tang, Mr Feng the party secretary, Mr Lei, Mr Lei, Mr Lei, Anthony, Moi and Lacy - the third Mr Lei's daughter. There was beer, thankfully, and only one glass of rice wine. We did not get wasted. I had my third cake of the day but this time there was no fighting involved, despite the two kids hanging round me in a rather ominous fashion. For better or worse Principal Li was away on business. A shame cos he missed it, but good cos he would have pressed for KTV and all that entails. Luckily, that night there was a rehearsal for a performance featuring a good number of my students. I said I'd rather go watch that so we got out of singing any more Britney and I got to hang out with all my kids, which is even more fun when slightly buzzed. A fine day.

My Favourite Class That I Don't Teach

Class 118. The 'key' class from the Senior 2 grade. This class was taken away from me when our timetables were reshuffled this semester and is one of the main reasons why my teaching experience this term has been slightly worse than it was before. When the school officials decided that the Senior 3s would no longer have an oral English class, Anthony took over half my Senior 2s. The split was arbitrary, straight down the middle. He got classes 118-121, I got 122-125. That was just the way it went.

Anyway, I miss this class but am still involved with them enough outside of class to be invited out to a picnic with them, and that's what happened last Sunday.
It was my second picnic in as many days (following class 122) and for them was their first ever outing. They're normally too busy studying to have any fun. So it was pretty disappointing that while waiting for the bus the heavens opened and we were treated to a massive thunderstorm. It looked like the whole thing would be off but, once it passed, we decided to give it a shot. The promised bus failed to materialise, so the class teacher rounded up a fleet of heavy ma-ma-yo's to take us out to our destination - the much visited Wan Nian Qiao.Maybe the geologists among my readership will appreciate this one of 'Romantic' atop a strange folded formation. I thought it looked cool anyway...


Because it was still a bit showery, cooking outside wasn't really going to work, so we all crammed in underneath one arch of the new bridge next to the old one and tried not to burn each other. We were pretty successful. I say we - I just lit a fire and ate everyone else's food - but it was a shared experience. It had to be under that small arch!


After lunch we all relaxed by the side of the river, and some students decided to go climbing. The opposite bank was steeply sloped, and made up of slippery smooth rock. It was great fun to climb across, and once we got past the steep section and underneath the old bridge, we had great views down the valley. Of course, my camera was being used by someone else at this point, so there's no photos, but from the quality of the remaining scenery, I guess you can imagine. Luckily my camera was being pointed in the right direction when everyone tried to climb back. Not everyone made it 100% dry. This young lad is just one of three who fell in this time!
I can't stress how beautiful it is round here, so the pictures will have to do.

Once everyone had had their fill of climbing/swimming we went off on a little walk further up into the mountains to another part of the valley where there's a small recreation facility. I'd been there before once with the English teachers. No boat ride this time but the swings were more fun anyway.

We climbed to the top of a mountain overlooking the river valley that had a spectacular view. I've had to include this really really awful shot of me cos it's the only decent one that shows the view. I've had my photo taken so many times that it's hard to smile anymore, so ignore the face, it doesn't reflect how I was feeling at the time. To be honest I had a fantastic time. Better than with 122. These kids are all wonderfully friendly people and I can have decent conversations with them as their English is so good. The bus ride back was accompanied by singing all the way and even though we were away for about 9 hours, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

My Favourite Class

Saturday saw me join perhaps my favourite class, Senior 2 class 122, on a picnic in the nearby countryside. We set off at 8am and walked out along the road to Wan Nian Qiao and Guangdong before turning off into a little valley, setting ourselves up beside a small river. As some of the kids set to work creating a way across the river (and inadvertently damming the thing - the water level dropped by about a foot lower down the valley!) others went to collect firewood and started building fires, while the rest began to prepare the food.

I just wandered round, chatting to the students, eating whatever they'd cooked, cheering with some of them and taking plenty of photos. These students are on the whole very enthusiastic in class, and I go in every Friday knowing that I'll have no problems with getting them to do whatever I'd planned. It's a nice feeling, and pretty refreshing at the end of the week after some of the struggles I have to endure. There are almost 70 kids, but as a class they are one. There's no animosity, no conflict, no great difference in ability just a happy unity that makes them a pleasure to teach.
The above pic shows two of my stand-out students on the left. In the middle is Rowling, named after the great J.K. She's a fan... This girl's English is fantastic and she has a great voice on her too. There was an open-air dancing and singing competition at the town square that evening that we went to watch, and she wowed the crowd. The girl on the left belongs to a threesome of girls who sit at the back but who are amongst the most active in class. When they introduced themselves to me as Sunny, Sugar (written Sugger) and Betty I could barely keep a straight face. This is Betty. How could a girl so beautiful choose a name like Betty. It's just unfortunate.Not as unfortunate, I thought, as the English name that Yang Han Wu provided me with one day. His pronunciation is not the greatest and I sincerely thought that he'd said his name was Pissbag. Several weeks went by before I found out that what he's actually called is 'Peace of Bird'. Even then I thought he'd said 'Piece of Bread', which I seriously thought was unusual only because bread doesn't really exist here! I am becoming numbed to the absurdity... He has since renamed himself David, after me. I am really quite touched by that. This guy is a truly remarkable young man. He is the most optimistic and ambitious kid in class and tries his hardest at everything. I said before that Betty and co. are pretty active in class, but only when they can get a word in edgeways as this guy is always first to speak out. He comes round my apartment a few times each week to do extra listening practice, which would get a little tedious with other students, but for him and some of the others in this class I have all the time in the world. Sometimes the Chinese can be pretty cruel, and while he does get some stick for being so short, as he's confided in me a few times now, he is well-liked and respected throughout the school thanks to his infectious happiness. I admire him.
Another kid who's just incredibly friendly is Li Ke Zhe, here on the left. He makes up yet another threesome with Yang Han Wu and another kid called Zhao Rong Fu, who are the number one contributers in class. Great guys.
There are other kids in the class who are just as friendly and who are equally good at English, which is why they are such fun to teach, but I finish off here with burping girl. Personal habits are a much more relaxed affair here. I am forever seeing kids with their fingers right up their noses trying to scratch their brains, and I no longer get embarrassed for respectable ladies farting in my apartment, so it's with no great ill-feeling that we christened this one 'burping-girl'. With so many students, nicknames have to rule, so she joined the ranks of funky fringe, funky fringe's friend, bigface, smoothface (as opposed to acne kid), lion, bitch's daughter, ping pong boy, cute girl, short guy, Yao Ming and so on. Well, one night she came to visit with dancing girl and just burped the whole time, so 'burping girl' was born. Class 122 is the second best Senior 2 class, but still has it's share of non-English speakers. She is one of them. That's ok, I'm sure she has other talents, so please don't call me cruel for posting this email she sent me the other night:

"Help Me Well?

David: You are good oh , I am two tall Class 122 Xie Xiao Hua , am that your beginning is so-called litter flowei. Haw-haw! We went to cook a meal in the open yesterday I take advantage of friend's hand machine having shot many photos , whether may in asking the email using memory calorie to transfer to table top or our on your computer please or not use. Not getting up because of I do it in other place , think that tries in you. Can?"

I can translate some of it - 'two tall' must be Senior 2, 'hand machine' will be mobile phone and I guess file size is measured in calories now - but really I only have the vaguest idea what she's on about. Her follow up email didn't really help either...

"大卫，How do you do: I am 122 bunch of Xie Xiao Hua , am your so-called litter flower. Our shift cooked a meal in the open last Saturday I there is I using my friend's mobile telephone to have had a picture taken , do it come out , be just with that memory calorie but on other computer. Do I think that tries well playing you? Thank you。"

Bless. I love it.

Linkage

I sometimes suspect that most of you back in the UK (or wherever that happens not to be China) don't get quite how hilariously bad the majority of English translations are over here. Que link to amusing article in the New York Times... Proof I am not making this up!

If you haven't checked out any of the links towards the left of the screen yet, I'll introduce them now. Here are links to a load of blogs kept by fellow teachers here in China - Jess, Dan, Marcus and Kevin. While I can't say I know them all well, I have met each of them at some point while travelling round and they're good guys. Have a look for a deeper insight into teaching English over here.

Also down there is a link to a new blog site that Anthony has just set up. It's called 'Learn In China/Learnin' China'. This is a resource site that we hope to build up together, with some help from whoever wants to contribute, that will help us learn Chinese here. If you're interested in the language, take a peek. It's new, but will grow with time.

That's all, save to say that 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' is the best rhyme ever invented. Lovin' it in the classroom right now...

All For Education, Education For All?

This is a bit of an odds and ends post.

Firstly, it looks like we may no longer need to teach at the little English-language school round the corner. Old Mr Li told Anthony today that he needn't come in tomorrow, and that he'd 'call us' if he needed us again. Sounds like we've been let go - from the job we never asked for nor wanted. Excellent! That place was just weird. I still don't know what we were doing there. All we did was come in for 9am, sit around for an hour while odd parents came in and out of the office to look at us, then finally go off to see the classrooms, walk in, say 'hello!', sit down, listen for 5 minutes then move on to the next. 3 classrooms later we were on our way home. As 'advisors' we were never asked our opinions on the teaching (which we couldn't have given anyway as we're too polite) and we couldn't talk to the kids as they don't learn conversational English.

What they do learn is pretty pointless. They're taught a story. The very youngest get:

'-Look! Beauuuutiful F-looooowers!
- Hello Bees!
- Let's...make...honey!
- Lu lu-lu lu lu, lu lu-lu lu lu'.

It comes complete with flapping of wings and dancing. The middle class gets the story of Snow White, which has been seriously messed up. I don't remember it being so violent when I was younger:

'-Mirror mirror on the wall, who is beautiful?
- Not you, Snow White.
- No, no, no!
- Kill Snow White!'.

I love that of the very few words these kids are being taught, one of them is 'kill'. And who is the mirror talking to anyway? It's a bit harsh. The oldest kids get Little Red Riding Hood or, as they have been taught to say it, 'Leetle red-uh riiiding hoood-uh', complete with actions that involve a curtsey and are seriously impairing some little boys' chances of asserting their masculinity later in life.

That is one pointless exercise I'm glad we'll not have to endure any more.


Secondly, we were today told all about the Senior 3 graduation exams. Over lunch we were chatting with two friends in the top class of Senior 3. One of them mentioned that they had some exams later that afternoon. The explanation was that some of their classmates had failed the exam a few weeks ago so had to do them again, and our friends were doing the resits for them.

"- You're doing the exam for them? Why?

Because they did badly on the exam last time.

- So why can't they do the exam this time?

Because maybe they won't pass.

- Maybe...

And then they would have to pay 50 yuan.

- For what?

To pass the graduation exam.

- They must pay 50 yuan to pass the exam?

Yes.

- Right... So, if they do badly on the exam they can still pass anyway if they pay 50 yuan?

Yes. And then they will get the graduation certificate.

- So even if they fail, they can still get the graduation certificate?

Yes, but if they fail, they will have to pay 50 yuan for each subject.

- And what happens if they can't pay the 50 yuan?

Well, then they won't be able to get the graduation certificate, and maybe they won't get good jobs."

My God. I could tell Anthony's thoughts were running the same path as mine as we phrased our questions carefully and repeatedly to confirm that, our top students were going to take exams for the poorer students, posing as absolutely anyone, male or female, and going unchecked as long as they wrote the correct examination code on the paper in order to enable these dumb-ass students to pass an exam they never had a hope in hell of passing, all so they could avoid paying a fee that would see them receive the same certificates in the end anyway. The sincerity with which these students revealed all this told us that they honestly believed there was nothing wrong here.

It is madness!! No wonder so many of these kids just don't care about studying at school. What's the motivation? It's pointless reiterating what it's like back home, but the point is that you get rewarded for your hard work, and likewise receive certain life-long disadvantages if you don't. I guess it's fairly typical of this culture for everyone to come out the same in the wash ( I mean the general 'middle class' population here, not the elite university-going students, for whom the quality of university they get into is life or death, who study so hard and who I've heard groan 'oh, only 196 days left until the university entrance exams, not enough time...', and not the really rural farming classes for whom life is a simpler, but harsher affair) but it explains soooo much about China's shortcomings. From an early age it is second nature to cheat. There is no need to earn anything. It will all be provided for you. There is a real lack of responsibility and hardly a care for consequences.

And all this is illustrated so succinctly in these stupid exams.

At dinner we spoke again to the students who'd sat the exams for their friends. One had even been asked by Vice Principal Tang, no-less, to retake one of the exams for some student who was obviously a relative or child of a friend. It meant he resat the exam for two different people at the same time. During the exam the invigilating teacher came over to where he was sitting and told him he didn't need to finish the rest of it, taking the paper from him and passing the answers round the entire exam hall.

Unbelievable.

This is the reason why the school can hire in two foreign teachers at 3-4 times a normal teachers' salary while it goes without glass in the windows or a place for students to sit and eat their meals; why the only historic monument with the potential to be an attraction looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but with more trees growing out the roof; why simply being able to handle your drink gets your foot on the promotion ladder; and why you get the fourth large, overpriced supermarket in town built with a beautifully pedestrianised shopping street that leads absolutely nowhere. Oh, and how do you spell 'street' anyway?

God I'm critical this evening. I'm not moaning really. I'm just telling it as it is. This is why I really am very glad I'm living in rural China right now. It's cliche'd to talk about seeing the 'real' China, but I really do believe I'm seeing everything, warts and all. I don't think everyone is as lucky.


Thirdly, something more personal. Most of what I write is observation, less is about what I'm doing and feeling right now. I thought I'd bring you up to date with certain events in my life, for those I haven't told already.

You may or may not know that I came out here with a plan. The plan was to bring about a change of career (or to actually get one). While I was here in the winter I applied to several universities in the UK for courses in Nutrition and Dietetics, with a view to eventually becoming a Dietician. I applied to six unis, but only really ever wanted to go to one, King's College, London.

Life being what it is, I didn't get into King's. I had a phone interview about a month ago and it just didn't go too well, so I wasn't surprised when I found out the news. Disappointed, but not surprised.

So now I face a tough decision. Do I go for one of my back-up universities? Or do I have another try?

The back-up is Leeds Met. A decent uni, with a good course in a city that I already like and know well. The problem is that it will never be London. I was drawn by the chance of living on the cheap in the capital and experiencing something that I probably wouldn't later on in life. This plan was all about getting the very very best from all opportunities and situations. Leeds is fine. Just fine. I wanted a little more than 'fine'.

However, to try again means waiting one more year before starting a course that already takes 4 years to complete. I'd be 30 before I graduate. Can I wait that long to finally get started? There is also then the dilemma of what to do in the meantime. I know I won't be staying in Lanshan, but what would I do back home? Would I go back home?

Dilemma. If I knew that I'd done my very best this time round and was just unlucky then I'd make my peace with Leeds. But there's this horrible 'what if?' hanging over my head and it won't go away...

Ice Ice Baby

English Corner is one of our few obligations at Lanshan Yizhong. It is a series of sessions at regular times where students have the opportunity to come see us, talk to us and to take part in activities which we organise for them.

The activities are sometimes hit and miss, and our lunchtime sessions are almost dead in the water now that the days are becoming warmer and sunnier and school sports competitions are in full swing, but we have success with a regular showing of the American TV series 'Smallville' and our evening junior and senior corners.

It was after a visit by Aaron from Dao Xian that I got the inspiration for one of our best English corners yet. All weekend he and Anthony had been singing that infamous rap song 'Ice Ice baby', by the one and only Mr Vanilla Ice. We thought one day, wouldn't it be hilarious if we could get the kids singing it. I thought a bit more and thought why not? It's the perfect kind of speaking activity for the older students. Gets them thinking about their speech patterns, the rhythm, pronunciation - all that crap, and as a competition would be good fun.

So we did it. After two weeks of supremely
entertaining practice, last Thursday was the night. It was amazing. These students had really gotten into it and we were both seriously impressed with how well they managed to perform it. We had about six groups perform in the end, although many more had come along to practice with us, and the winners received the pretty decent prize of a map of Wisconsin and two bracelets, while the runners up got slightly less dazzling badges and keyrings.

No break-dancing, but you can't have it all.

And in case any of you have forgotten them, those immortal lines are now firmly imprinted on my brain, so I'll share:

Alright stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a brand new invention
Something, grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo, I don't know
Turn off the light, and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle

Dance, go rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I hear a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bulls eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice ice baby... ... ...

Anthony's Birthday

April the 10th was Anthony's 26th birthday. It was celebrated in style. He received a huge selection of gender-inappropriate gifts and weird ornaments from staff and students alike, and a new bike from me. I love that I live in a country where I can go out and buy a bike, just like that, and think nothing more of it. Maybe the first and last time I'll ever feel rich...

At lunchtime we had a mini party with all the students who eat with us every day. It's ironic, we eat in the teacher's canteen, but students outnumber the staff by about four to one. Any student who has a passing relationship to any member of staff can eat there, and it's typically students whose English is excellent, no doubt aided by the fact that they get to chat with us twice daily. Anyway, these kids are our good friends, so it was only right that they got to join in the occasion.

So, the cake was produced, lit, blown out, portioned up, shared out, partially eaten, then thrown and smeared over anyone and everything that dared get in the way. We had a proper cake fight and to this day there are still bits of cake to be seen here and there on the walls. I think they'll be there for some time yet...

It was fantastically good fun. No-one was safe.

We certainly didn't feel safe later that evening though when we were taken out by the school leaders to 'celebrate' with them. We went to a restaurant, and ate with everyone whose names we don't know and with whom we never
speak, and of course were required to drink with each and every one. I had made a special request that we be allowed to drink beer that night, which they did honour, at least. But that meant that it then became a matter of finishing off the beer as quickly as possible so they could get on with the rice wine. In the end it wasn't so bad, and we even had our own little cake fight once all the stuffier leaders had gone.

The fun didn't stop there though. Oh no. We were whisked off to sing karaoke and found ourselves and Seven (who I'd accidentally dragged along in the false belief that it was a get-together for friends) alone in a huge KTV room with the usual selection of crap songs being baby-sat by the Communist Party leader Mr Feng, who sat in the corner looking thoroughly bored until Principal Li and some other random smiley leader came back from a half-hour long absence, trailing two girls behind them. No idea who they were, and I don't think I spoke to them all night, but that was fine. We sang to Britney Spears, drank some beer and
compensated with fresh watermelon before undoing it all with more beer as other randoms joined us.

I'm not sure how long we stayed, but it was long enough to warrant another meal across the road as we left. It wasn't a bad night really, but for Anthony it was just the first in a long row of alcoholic nights out.

The following day we celebrated with our friends and colleagues at one of our favourite restaurants and later went on to see what was going on at the town square with Seven, Xian Feng and Susan.
We played pool together, which I am still crap at, and then somehow came to be taken away by some men who I think Xian Feng knew. We were all taken to a small bar/KTV place and sat down as a case of beer was dragged from behind the bar and a dozen glasses were filled. I have to say that at this point we were pretty bored and pissed off with the whole affair. Not only were we being made to drink again (which we really didn't want to), but it was with a group of random strangers who we were never introduced to, and who had no reason to drink with us whatsoever, other than that we were white. We certainly didn't want to be their beer-monkeys for the night, but there was little to be done to avoid the situation. If we refused to drink with them they'd throw a little tantrum. They are like babies. Stupid little babies. One guy cheered me with a half-full glass, so I only drank half my glass with him. When I put it down he kept gesturing towards it, showing me his empty glass and picking mine up and putting it into my hand again, and again and again. I was getting really f**ked off with him so finally without looking at him just took it, downed it in one gulp, put it back down on the table and carried on talking to someone else. He mentioned something about something, but I just ignored him.

Babies.

The highlight of the night came next. One of the men came over manhandling a girl, who he made me cheer with. She downed the glass and promptly puked it straight back out onto the floor.

Lovely. Just what I needed. Thanks for that.

Not long after we managed to make our escape. We weren't drunk at all, it was just pointless and frustrating. Worst part of Chinese culture.

Another example of the babyish attitude came the next night while out on a walk with Xian Feng and Seven. They'd made some bet together and it ended up with Xian Feng buying a round of beer. She was pushing for us to drink all night, for some strange reason, but when we were there with bottles in hand, she no longer wanted to drink. Well, neither did I. And neither did Anthony. Nor Seven. So why the hell we were
there with four bottles of beer I have NO idea!!

There were issues about drinking. The girls were barely drinking any, we were cajoling them a little, and they were insisting we drink ours and theirs too, which we certainly didn't need. No problem I thought, if none of us want the damn things then we can just leave them behind. I put mine down by the side of the road and walked on. Seven seemed to take great offence at this point and ran back to get the bottle, standing in front of me and downing hers so I would too.

Later on she was sick. So what was the point?
Really? Some ridiculous obligations about honour and saving face no doubt. I know it's culture. I know it should be respected. I know I have to adapt to it. But after almost 8 months I have to say that it sucks. Simple as.

A little off-topic for a post about birthday celebrations, but it's an observation that requires some comment. Makes me a little apprehensive about my own forthcoming event, but as we have learnt to say again and again, 'this IS China'...