Countdown

Well, the countdown is on. Less than two months until I touch back down in the UK. And only a week and a half now (maybe) until I leave Lanshan forever.

As the days have passed by and the end draws ever nearer everything has begun to feel stranger and stranger. There is no sense of everything and everyone building up towards this big celebratory end point. It's more like a business that's being wound up and closed down. Bit by bit the ones who can have drifted away and the remainder are going through the motions in a resigned, half-hearted manner knowing full well that nothing will come of their labours and that they're really just trying to pass the time now until they finally close the door behind them for that one last time.

That's kinda how I feel. It's not the nicest of feelings. I had more sense of purpose while working out my notice after quitting my last job but over the last few weeks here I have felt less and less invested in what I'm doing. With many classes teaching has always been an uphill struggle and recently it has become harder and harder to battle on. I'm tired. There are no more victories to be had now; no amazing leaps of progress to be made. With my worst class I have actually conceded defeat. After one class a week ago in which they refused to be quiet and listen or cooperate at all - even with the class teacher in the same room - I vowed never to teach them again. They have given me nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fortunately, with only three weeks left until the end of term it was the perfect time-frame in which to show a movie. The first week I showed it I was still so pissed off that the only words I said to them were 'ok, class over, goodbye' and that has been the recurring pattern this week too. I was worried that they may have seen it as a reward, but I think they know it's a punishment. The picture and sound quality in our media room is enough to make you think you are being punished no matter what you watch! They alone have been singled out for this treatment and I can't believe they are delusional enough to think it's because they have been good.

This slow winding down of things does not suit me. It's just full of uncertainty. We don't even know when we'll finish teaching yet. A countdown is no fun if you don't even know when you're counting to.

Last Friday was my final class with my Junior 3s. I found out a day or two before. The Junior 3s have always been a neglected year group. Only two classes make up the entire grade, and as a result of this they are big big classes. Just a sea of faces stretched out in front of me or, rather more often, a sea of the backs of people's heads as they are turned around talking or sleeping or doing homework or anything but pay attention to me. I taught them back to back, with no time to modify my lesson if something hadn't worked or to think of an alternative activity. I had one shot and had to make sure it worked. It rarely did. I had them on Friday afternoons, firstly class 167 immediately after lunch, when everyone was still sleepy and sluggish and then class 168 in the last period of the day, just before some precious extra free time. The worst periods possible. So understandably work was the last thing on their minds. At first, in each lesson, about 15 minutes before the end the calls of 'class over!' would begin. They soon learnt not to do that again as I would tally each call and make them stay over a corresponding number of minutes, but that was the kind of situation I was up against.

There were some students with a high level of ability, but mixed in with some really awful ones too. Conversation activities always relied on group participation, and if the group didn't participate, the good ones all too often ran out of people to talk to. It was a mess. A big unruly mess. My aim was always just to get through it and embrace the weekend. I did feel like I shortchanged the students sometimes but also no matter what I tried, I could not get the majority of activities to work well or to distribute my attention widely enough to help everyone come out of their shells and open their mouths. So it was not with any great regret that I said goodbye and good luck to them last Friday. We took some photos and as a result of this I got to chat to some of them a bit more than I had done before. It was just typical that we started having fun hanging out after I'd finished teaching them. Anyway, the photos here are some of the good kids. I'll miss them at least. But anyway, on with the countdown. Things have been a bit quiet this last week or so. Nothing really exciting has been going on but I've been making some big arrangements in the background. First has been a hell of a lot of preparation for starting uni in September. I've filled out health questionnaires, finding out I need another four new vaccinations at least before September, received an enhanced criminal records bureau check, completed my applications for loans and bursaries and have chosen where I shall be living for the coming year. I have ended up in the plushest of the plush that student accommodation can offer. I can remember seven years ago (seven...bloody hell...) in Bradford I shared four toilets and two showers with 24 other lads in leaky creaky Longside F Block paying about 40 quid a week. As of September I will be in a newly built complex sharing an apartment with just 3-5 other students, our own kitchen, lounge and dining area and individual study bedrooms with - wait for it - ensuite bathrooms. How times have changed... The prices have also changed too though. 93 pounds a week this will set me back, but the government will pay for most of that through bursaries and grants (gotta love funding for healthcare degrees) so what the hell!

I have also been busy planning my summer travels. Hopefully a couple of friends will join me for a few weeks and I had to give them some provisional dates so had a lot of research to do in a very short time. I once had this grand plan to visit every province in China, to say I had 'done' them all, but realistically, that just isn't going to be possible. Biggest casualties are Tibet and neighbouring Qinghai. These two provinces are just too out of the way and with recent clampdowns in Tibet travelling there has become a lot more restricted and expensive. I'd rather return and see them properly some other time. Likewise the north-east has fallen off the itinerary. There are some cool sights up there, like a place where you can jump across a stream to North Korea, forests growing almost underground within old volcanic craters, the far eastern end of the Great Wall and loads of Russian influenced food and architecture. Again, another time... Ningxia I would love to visit, but it's a lengthy detour, and Inner Mongolia frankly looks a bit boring.

Still, what I'm left with is a tour across the south-east, from Fujian up through Jiangxi, where 'China' is made and north into Anhui where the old villages where 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' was filmed can be toured, along with a quick stop at one of the most famous mountains in all of China. Next follows a route through historic Henan to Shandong, where Confucius lived and where the famous German style Tsingtao beer is produced. After some time on a beach I'll then hopefully end up in Beijing to meet my friends. Sights there and in nearby Tianjin and Hebei can be done in day trips. The idea after that is to go west, passing through Shanxi with it's well-preserved villages to Xi'an in Shaanxi, home of the Terracotta Warriors amongst many other amazing archaeological sites. From there we join the old Silk Road through Gansu into Xinjiang, a predominantly Muslim province crossed by deserts and bordered by immense mountain ranges. I'd like to get as far west as possible as that's where the culture difference is most vivid, but only time will tell if that'll be possible. Flying back to Beijing will save time but eat up funds, which I'll need for Shanghai and the pretty canal towns of Jiangsu and Zhejiang on my final leg, but some frugal living should see me through. That's the plan anyway.

I'm getting really excited about travelling, which may explain my reluctance to hang around here, but I'm also equally excited about getting home again. 1 year is a long time, and China really is someplace else. I'm looking forward to bread, to having my independence, to seeing friends and family, to not being a walking freak show, to remembering how to talk quickly again, to dogs you can pet and that aren't in front of you in spicy sauce, to heating and insulation, to not being in the 80s anymore, to being intelligent again, to sanitation, to good music, to paved roads, to deodorant available for purchase within seven hours drive, to decent conversation, to fewer permed men with scarily long fingernails, to fewer internal organs, to going swimming, to advance planning, to smaller spiders, to openness to change, ideas and opinions, to drinking less, to all those little things you always took for granted until you wind up somewhere where those little luxuries just aren't there...the list goes on. I can't wait.

I will likely post a list of things I'll miss at a later date, but I have a funny feeling that will end up a little shorter!!