Hmm...

It's Friday night. I finished my last class of the week a few hours ago and am chilling out in my apartment before heading out with Anthony in about an hour. It feels a bit like the end of a battle. The battle this week has been a 'in my head' kinda one. One where I came close to jacking it in here. One of those weeks that could have become either a turning point or, as is the case, a defining point in the whole experience.

It began relatively well, but a nightmarish Tuesday with my Junior 2s set the whole week into a downward spin. That Tuesday I had already seen my class from hell, which always depresses me cos I just can't do anything with them. I have tried every approach with little success. I hate not being able to get through to them. I feel bad for them, but hey, it's a give and take situation... So, in the afternoon I had my last junior 2 class, class 171. These kids are borderline. I like them, we get on well, but they don't like working so much and can get unruly if I'm not careful. The junior 2s are a pain in the arse really, because they are all so different. One class are stars, the others are monsters, class 171 are slap bang in the middle. This means I never know which way to go when preparing lessons for them. Do we do what worked well with the star class or go with something more boring and mindless?

This week I went with something more creative. Noughts and crosses (tic tac toe) with simple past tense sentences. Depending on the outcome of a thrown dice, the kids would have to make either a question, affirmative statement or negative statement using whatever verb was written in the box they wanted to place their nought or cross in. It worked beautifully with my star class the day before and is really useful because I give them 3 formulae to create the sentences by. Simple, straightforward and nowhere to be found in their books. This is actually teaching them something.

Unfortunately these take a little time to write out on the board, which can cause some to lose interest. So I try and get it down as quickly as possible so I can get the kids involved again. This week I was aware that they were starting to chatter so as soon as I could I turned round from the board, looked across the class toward the source of the noise and saw a girl turned round to her classmates holding a hand of playing cards.

I went nuts.

Now, not many of you have seen me lose my temper. It's not common and I can assure you that it is about as subdued as you can get! No-one gets scared, I don't scream and spit or throw chairs about, but you'll know it if you know me well enough.

These kids knew.

My face flashed red and my voice rose above even it's normal class-conquering level, clear and sharp.

"Cards! You are playing Cards! Right, stand up!".

I then made her choose a verb in a box, rolled the dice and told her to make a past tense question using it. I gave her no leeway. She was on the spot and was being made an example of. I stood there and stared at her while she awkwardly tried to laugh it off with her friends. I silenced them with one glance. We stood and waited, until she finally said "I don't know".

"Really? Why?... Because you are not listening!"

Then I pointed to the steps I had written on the board and made her follow them and come up with the words. It's not rocket science. I gave them an extremely simple explanation of what is an absolutely essential part of their English education. If these kids can't even ask someone about what they did yesterday then they're lost forever. Remember, in China no-one waits for you to catch up. That's what bugged me. I hate people who don't help themselves.

That same point got me thinking. It got me questioning what exactly I was doing here. Why was I stuck in a school of unmotivated children, teaching a subject that many of them don't want to learn? What is the point? I thought back to my CELTA training when I taught classes of people who had come to the UK especially to learn English. They expected something from you and wanted more. There were objectives there. Things to achieve. Results to be had.

I invested a lot of money in that course. I invested a lot of time and hard work. I got a good grade. I know I am a good teacher. Surely I could be using my time more wisely? After all, I'm only planning to do this for a year before going back to uni. Shouldn't I be getting the best teaching experience I can? I shouldn't have to be faced with classes who couldn't care less. I have travelled thousands of miles to come and help them learn good English. I deserve better.

There's nothing like doubt to get you down. My classes the next day were dull and lifeless and I just felt steadily worse and worse about things here. My mind began to mull over other options and one evening I started checking out TEFL job sites... A good move.

A few hours spent reading job advertisements and trying to figure out exactly what the deal was in each case cleared my mind somewhat. Another few checking out messageboards on a popular TEFL website made me realise that what I was going through was pretty normal and that my situation is actually far better than many others. In a dedicated language school I would be lumbered with more hours, an even wider range of pupils in terms of age and ability, more lessons to plan and only slightly more money. Even if I could hack all that, it appears that a lack of motivation remains an issue for many teachers even in these specialised centres. Moving schools wouldn't be a solution either. These situations are everywhere. Richer kids just seem to get more obnoxious, even if their English is better and, well, as Kylie said, better the devil you know...

I picked up a few tips. I took on board some advice. I decided to stay put.

Things are not so bad. We have a better deal than any other teachers I know and I do like this place. I would feel extremely bad leaving halfway through, for both the teachers and the students. A few bad experiences shouldn't deter me this much. I feel I have come away from all this more determined, more focussed, more flexible. Some kids won't learn, some require humour and entertainment, some will love grammar lessons but card games are still unacceptable!!

All this doesn't quite convey how seriously I was considering my position here, but I don't want to dwell on the downside. As I said earlier, make or break. I think this time, it's made.